Category Archives: hypocrisy

El Fin

This, my friends, is the end. Here, at the end of all things … well, just two. My twitter account and this blog. And honestly, it’s not forever. If I am in dire straits and posting “SOS” on hashamayim.wordpress.com will save my life, I will have no qualms whatsoever.

The intent of this discontinuation is the re-evaluation of my public vs. private life. Why do I have a twitter? Why blog at all? Primarily, it has been a good venue for expressing my thoughts, but when it comes down to it, I have to wonder–to whom? So, I leave these public arenas for more private reflections, for several reasons.

First, for security concerns. I’m not sure that broadcasting such varied information about myself so openly is as great an idea as I thought.

Second, for humility reasons. It’s so easy for me to hope that someday I’ll be a well-known blogger, or even that my friends who do read this blog will be impressed with what I write. I don’t need any more pitfalls in my life where pride can easily lurk.

Third, for lifestyle reasons. All in all, I desire that my trajectory in life would be one of more simplicity than the norm. For this purpose I purge my closets, hang my laundry to dry, and recycle, recycle, recycle. And I’m learning to sew. Technology is not, in and of itself, an evil, but I have found that for me it can become a dangerous distraction. Thus, the less I entangle myself the better. Besides, I’ve been woefully neglecting my own personal journal, which is really what has benefited me most in the past.

I will now be spending any social networking time on facebook. This is ironic, because the next blog post I had planned was to explain why I liked twitter better than facebook. (It’s true–facebook is hypocritical and calls the people you stalk and who stalk you “friends,” while twitter is much more straightforward and calls them “followers.” Etc.)

However, for my intents and purposes (maintaining friendships), facebook is much more useful, seeing as I know more people on facebook than on twitter, and communicate with them more there than on this blog. Maybe someday I will return, when I have more maturity to deal with technological clutter, but for now it’s goodbye.

I never knew goodbyes could be this hard

I’m talking, of course, about a shirt.

I bought this shirt in Ireland. It was quite cute, and I think only €5. Here I am wearing it on a castle ledge. How picturesque.

But here’s my dilemma: It’s long overdue to pitch. It’s a nice shirt, but shouldn’t be worn to nice places. It’s way pilly all over, and has a big stain on the front. I don’t want to wear it, and I don’t want to give it to anyone else because while it’s pretty, it’s not in the best condition.

And yet, I can’t bring myself to throw it away. I know that there are plenty of people in this world who would like most of all just to be clothed and it would pain me to throw away a shirt that could be worn perfectly well.

But I don’t want to donate it because I don’t want it to seem like the people who would profit from it would need only second rate clothing.

I suppose this sort of thinking is where that old adage came from. You know, “Eat your peas, children in China are starving”?

So what should I do? Suggestions?

aspire.

I don’t remember my childhood aspirations.

Although at one point, watching the Olympics, I said, “Mommy, I will do gymnastics. And you will clap.”

My mom doesn’t remember what I wanted to be either. But she did say that I was “quite passionate and zealous” at whatever I did.

I don’t remember any specifics, wanting to be a ballerina. Or a princess. Nah, those were career choices of a normal girl. If I had picked anything it would have probably been a tree-climber. Or a writer. Or an “Illistrater”. But I don’t know what I wanted to do.

But I do remember what I wanted to be. It was probably when I was 8 or 10 or 12 or something. I remember thinking, “Whatever I do, I want everyone in the world to know who Hannah Chupp is.” I aspired to something along the lines of George Washington. Or Coca Cola. Everyone in the world knows what Coke is. I remember hearing how people in India knew the name of Coca Cola, but not the name of Jesus Christ. I remember hearing that and thinking, “Yes. I want to be just like that.”

How blatantly self-seeking. “I want my name to be known by everyone. I want my name to be bigger than the name of Jesus Christ.”

How often I still seek and promote myself. But how horridly subtle now it is. Of course now I shout that Jesus’ name must be proclaimed, but how does my life proclaim it? Jesus Christ, the creator of infinite universe and of my very being, was betrayed, denied, flayed, and condemned by those he had created, tormented by the being he had cast out of heaven, and crushed by the sin that should have damned me.

And what is my response to his glorious suffering for me? *SNOOZE* “I’m too tired to read my Bible this morning.” Honestly? Is that the most I can do?

Let me aspire to be second.

http://www.iamsecond.com/#/seconds/Pete_Briscoe/ (this is my pastor from home)

I am tired …

I am tired of strife, of dissension,of disagreement and argument.

I am tired of hypocrisy, of double-meanings, of the two faces you rotate between.
I want reality.
I want you to strive for harmony.
I want to always think the best.
I am tired …
… I long for peace.